


부탁해 (Save Me, Save You)

by baegilmong



Series: Fictober 2018 [5]
Category: JBJ (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fictober 2018, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, but only a bit i swear, hyunhan, komuhodu, smol babies, spell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-07-27 16:08:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16222601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baegilmong/pseuds/baegilmong
Summary: Love can be a blessing or a curse. To Hyunbin, it had always seemed like the second one.





	부탁해 (Save Me, Save You)

Kwon Hyunbin was afraid of falling in love.

He could be proud of himself, though, as he had avoided it for his whole 20 years of age, despite being constantly bombarded with love stories wherever he went. Commercials, series, each and every movie he watched had at least one love line, to which Hyunbin sighed in frustration.

Why was love so great anyway? Why was everyone so obsessed with it? To him, love was pain. Love was an excruciating pain in the heart that would leave someone KO in a matter of days. Love was suffering, love was desperation, love was leaving your life in the line hoping someone else would go forward and save it. Too much to risk, too little to gain.

Love was a curse.

That was his punishment for having been born out of wedlock, for not having been conceived with love. Love was a curse, a curse that would cause him a chronic and increasing pain in the heart if unrequited. If unrequited, love would be his death.

Kwon Hyunbin was afraid of falling in love. But life always finds its way to make you face your deepest fears.

It was one of those nights where everything was silent. Midnight walks had become part of his routine, taking steps in no direction, the starless sky not being much of a help either to help him find his way. But there was some kind of pleasure in being lost amidst the concrete jungle, amidst all the lights that attempted to create an illusion of the starlit sky but ironically made the actual stars fade, dim and almost imperceptible.

"You're really telling me you've run out of spicy chicken flavored instant cup noodles? Jeeeeeez"

A voice in the distance.  
Someone was out there, and pretty annoyed by the look of it.

A mumble followed the voice, and they replied in the same annoyed tone.

"Yeah, how am I supposed to satisfy my midnight snack cravings if I can't find my favorite one"

A lean figure fell to the ground, sitting on the sidewalk, hands on the hood that covered their head.

The moment their paths crossed, the figure looked up, and the hood fell down.

Hyunbin stood there frozen, his eyes locked upon the other boy's ones. Even in the dim lit alley, he could notice his intense gaze, framed by a blond parted comma fringe.

_Thump._

"Hey, do I know you?"

_Thump thump._

"You look familiar, you sure we haven't seen each other before?"

_Thump thump thump._

The blond boy laughed.

"You can answer, I swear I don't bite... much. My name's Donghan, by the way. Kim Donghan"

The boy stood up and held out a hand to a Hyunbin who was looking at him with a puzzled expression, still frozen, his mind entering into panic.

_This is really not the moment. It isn't. Please stop. Please please stop. Please calm down and stop making me fear I'll have a heart attack. This can't happen, not to me. Not to me._

"I...", Hyunbin mumbled, unable to find the words to say.

"Won't you tell me your name?", Donghan flashed a smirk that went straight like an arrow to Hyunbin's chest.

"I... I gotta go"

Panicked, he ran in full speed in the opposite direction, hoping that he would never see the blond boy again. 

Yet as much as he hoped that wish would come true, it definitely didn't.

He was there everywhere he went to. Groceries? There. Drugstore? There. The tiny hidden café he spent his afternoons in? There. And every time he saw the blond boy appear through the door, his chest pained as if being stabbed by millions of tiny swords.

_Go away_ , he cursed under his breath,  _go away. Let me go. It hurts. You're hurting me. I wish I could make you disappear. I wish I could erase these feelings and get you out of my life. But you keep on crossing paths with mine, you're in everything I do, and I'm scared this will be the end._

"Hey, daydreamer, didn't expect to see you here"

The blond boy took a seat across him sipping a smoothie, waking up Hyunbin from his inner cycle of thought.

_Fuck_.

"What are you doing here?", Hyunbin said in a dry tone.

"Wow, finally you've let me hear your voice, Jesus I was starting to think you were actually mute"

"Get lost"

"This is how you thank me for letting you enjoy my precious company?", Donghan beamed.

"I didn't ask for your company", Hyunbin fumed, still unable to look Donghan in the eye.

"Then let's just say I'm giving it to you as a present"

Hyunbin slammed his palm on the table, fuming nervously.

"I said go away", Donghan looked at him in shock, almost spitting his juice. "Besides, you don't even like coffee, so why are you here anyway?"

Hyunbin's voice trembled and felt like he was about to cry, so he grabbed his stuff and went through the door, leaving nothing but a gentle clink behind.

_What the fuck is wrong with this dude._

There was no sight of Donghan the following day, but the pain in Hyunbin's chest didn't seem to go away. He hesitated to go back to the café, but his body was craving caffeine and he couldn't deny himself that little treat.

No sight of him there either. Good. But why couldn't he stop thinking about him? Why did everything remind him of those dark brown eyes and playful smirk? Why was it that, despite pretending to hate his company, he was actually craving for it?

_It hurts. I can't let this go further. It hurts. I'm scared. I'm scared I will die. I'll just... I'll keep being a jerk until this feeling stops... That will do, won't it?_

"Hey, daydreamer"

_Not him. Not again, please._

"Why are you here again?", Hyunbin's tone was almost pleading, exasperated.

"I knew I would find you here"

"Why would you even want to find me?"

"I'm curious about you"

For the first time, Hyunbin looked up to meet his gaze.

"There's nothing to be curious about"

"Your eyes are red and puffy and you seem like you haven't slept for days. You okay? Is something hurting?"

_You. You hurt. More exactly, what I feel for you hurts._

"You're giving me a headache, I told you to get lost", Hyunbin's tone was turning whiny. "Why do you keep coming back, why can't you leave me alone"

"What-"

Donghan's reply was shut off by the barista's voice.

"Yo, Hyunbin, you're coffee's ready"

Donghan's lips drew into a smile, mouthing the other boy's name.

The boy who had left again, this time with a louder clink.

_Hey, daydreamer._   
_I'm sorry if I caused you trouble, I never meant to be a bother to you._   
_I just was curious as to why we kept crossing paths when we're total strangers. Maybe it was coincidence, maybe it was fate that couldn't be changed or denied. I'm sorry if I got too close and made you uncomfortable, sorry if I disturbed your iced americano comfort time. But I really want to get to know you better. I want to know what's causing you pain, and mend my mistakes if it's me who's responsible for it._   
_Just drop by if you ever wanna talk, here's my address._

The doorbell rang.

"Um... hey, it's me, I just got your note"

"Hey, daydreamer. Come inside"

Hyunbin stepped into the apartment, amazed by the amount of empty packages littered on the floor.

"You don't seem to cook that much, huh"

Donghan shrugged.

"Midnight cravings, you know"

The boys faced each other, surrounded by an awkward silence none of them intended to break. Hyunbin breathed heavily, the weight on his chest getting even bigger as the moments went by. He had finally realized that, despite his best efforts to let go of the feeling, it would still be there and consume him inevitably so it was best to face it and embrace his twisted fate even if it meant dying for it.

"You look really bad"

"Thanks for the compliment, you don't look that bad yourself"

Donghan flashed an uneasy smile.

"Listen... I'm the one who's sorry. You needn't apologize for anything. It's my fault"

"What do you mean?"

"I was a jerk. I kept treating you badly without a reason, I kept telling you to fuck off when you didn't have any bad intentions whatsoever"

Donghan patted Hyunbin's shoulder awkwardly.

"It's okay, it is. It was actually kind of funny how you just vented out everything as soon as I appeared, it made me even more curious to know why you reacted that way".

Hyunbin moaned in pain, his hand to his chest.

"You okay???? Come here, sit down"

His hand still on his chest, Hyunbin broke down in tears, sobbing loudly.

"It hurts"

"What's wrong? What's hurting?"

"To know I lost all my chances"

Donghan looked at him, puzzled, unable to understand what the taller boy was trying to say.

"Chances?"

"I know it sounds like a stupid excuse, but I did this because I like you. And I tried so bad to stop liking you, I tried so bad to kick you out of my life so I could stop thinking about you and I could move on. But I couldn't. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't"

Donghan got closer to him, his eyes still open wide in disbelief, rummaging through his thoughts in an attempt to convey them in the most appropriate way.

"But... why did you want to kick me out so bad?"

"I was scared you would never like me back.", Hyunbin gave a little shriek of pain before bursting into tears again. "And now I fucked it up forever"

Donghan smiled, stroking Hyunbin's hair.

"Hey. Who said I wouldn't like you back?"

Hyunbin stared at him, puppy eyes wide open in an innocent gaze, still red and puffy, his lips curving in a pout.

"What...", he whispered.

Donghan smirked, getting even closer.

"I like you"

"You're lying"

"Do I have to kiss you for you to understand it?", he said cheekily.

And before Hyunbin could even reply, their lips locked. Both eyes closed, breathings getting steadier, Hyunbin took his hand away from his chest and grabbed Donghan's hair, his fingers intertwining with his blond locks. Donghan smiled through the kiss, breaking it apart, and wiped a tear from Hyunbin's cheek before kissing him again.   
  


 


End file.
